Joburg Detox

I've never thought much about detox. Detox is something that my friend's older brother went to during junior school. It's something that Lindsay Lohan or those Full House twins or (fill in the child actor) go to routinely, as reported factually by Star. I've read a bit about the massive physical withdrawal symptoms that patients go through during detox - screaming, groaning, living a nightmare.

I'm in detox. I haven't screamed. But I have a nasty cough right now and whine a fair amount. You see, my boardgames are in boxes. Not the boxes that boardgames normally come in, but moving boxes. The kind that sit in storage in >100 degree weather in Dallas. They're also screaming. It's hot and their boards are undoubtedly warping. I miss them and they miss me.

The kids and even Jessica have tried to help me through this trying period. They've played a couple of games of Through the Desert with me. But as you can see from the photo, it is unlikely that a game with pastel colors is going to help in a big way with withdrawal symptoms caused by hard-core drugs like Caylus and Twilight Struggle.

I went on a total binge before detox where I bought a boatload (perhaps more appropriately a moving van load) of new games. Some of them have not even been played, only opened, punched out and rules reviewed. How would you like to be Die Macher, Tide of Iron or Goa, knowing that you've been taken home to a moving van?

Is the level of delusion and hallucinations I've suffering from clear?

I NEED A GAME NIGHT!

They say the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. I do. Detox. I can't wait to fall back off the wagon some day.

Say it ain't so Owen

Very bummed to hear that Owen apparently attempted suicide and relieved he failed.

Get well soon, Owen. And start acting in more PG-13 roles.

English as a Second Language

Katie is pumping out posts on her blog that will inform everyone in great detail about our adventures here in South Africa. I thought I might be able to post a few things from time to time, perhaps noting some of the misadventures or missteps. These are frequently encountered if you spend much time with me. Here goes...

In eight grade I got my lowest grade of my academic career. I have not descended to that level since. Senor Clayton, all 300 pounds of him, felt I deserved to be esteemed mediocre or worse because I was bored by his lessons and could not fathom why I need to be able to tell some I like tacos in Spanish. I took two years of Spanish and escaped as quickly as I could.

Years later I moved to Costa Rica and spent two years learning the unparalleled joy that comes from REALLY understanding another culture, in their own place and their own language. And despite Senor Clayton's assessment, I found I had a pretty good knack for learning another language. One of the more entertaining parts of learning another language is finding those unique idioms, phrases and cognates that make you think, or at least chuckle.

For example, I remember walking around Stockholm with my father-in-law a few years ago trying to explain, with a straight face, that an "utfart" is not what he was thinking it was, and therefore, an "infart" was not painful, requiring some sort of prevention, termed a "farthinder". I don't know if there are two more juvenile minds to discuss this than me and Bill. Entrance, exit and speedbump couldn't have been more enjoyable terms to discuss that night.

Well, as it turns out you don't have to learn an entirely new language to start to find things to chuckle at.
* It took me several days here in Joburg of hearing people talking about broken robots to realize that South Africa is not a sci-fi experiment - that's simply what they call traffic lights.
* South Africans are quite sensitive about their hooters. People have bumper stickers that ask other drivers to get their hands off their hooters and to stop hooting. I think that's a very exciting thing to call a car horn. I'll definitely keep my eyes on the road and my hands off the hooter now that I'm driving on the left side of the road.

This brings me to another misadventure. I don't drive much here. We have a driver, and for good reason. However, I do walk down halls. And when someone comes the other direction, I step to the right to avoid a collision. And she steps left. And we collide. I've had enough fender benders simply walking down halls here that I'm quite convinced that our driver is horribly underpaid if only measured in avoided insurance premiums.

One final "John's a goof" thought. When we lived in Stockholm, I was the only member of the family that could be pegged as Ameritrash in an instant. Katie had outfitted herself and the kids within days to blend in with the locals, decked out in the season's finest H&M or Polarn Pyret. I just couldn't do it though. Boxy black shoes (I referred to them as Volvos) and tight black pants just weren't working for me. I used to walk through Stockholm noting how I was the only one that didn't look like a dork. Of course I fully understood the irony. I was the dork. So be it. However, I'm quite sure I'd don tight black slacks and Volvos in a heartbeat to avoid what poor Mason has to deal with. Does he self-confidently call everyone else a dork, or does he grow his hair out so he can look like a 12 year old Rod Stewart? I say dorks all.

Till next time, step left.

Don't fake bake - bad news for Bryce Brown

I just heard the sad news that a friend of mine from college, who licked cancer seven years ago has recently found out that it is back with a vengeance. His wife is blogging their journey at www.brycedbrown.com/journal/ for those that might have known him through BOB or want to learn about the dangers of sun exposure. Bryce has overcome some tough challenges in life, but this looks to be the most difficult so far. Pray for Bryce. And don't fake bake so you don't end up with the same deal.

The Kite Runner

I spent a rather lonely three weeks here before the gang arrived Sunday, but one bright spot is that I've been able to read more than I have in the last five years. This morning I finished the fifth book I've read since leaving SLC. I've read:

Harry Potter #6
Harry Potter #7
Twilight
Fishers of Men
The Kite Runner

I just thought I would give my recommendation to these books, all of which I've enjoyed, but in particular I recommend the last one. It has parts that are very difficult to read - violent, cruel and agonizing. But if you can get through all of those things, the message, I thought was remarkably made. The morale of the story, well stated by Rahim Khan is:

"And that, I believe is, what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good."

I thought this was one of the most shocking and poignant tales of redemption I've ever read outside of the Christian context, perhaps along the lines of Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment". I don't know if you could truly understand full redemption without understanding overwhelming pain and guilt. Amir Jan's experience of guilt and redemption will not likely leave me soon.

If you want a book that may haunt you, but teach you, I think it's a great read.

Next up: South African tourist books.

All are here and well

Just a quick post to let you know that Katie, JB and the gang arrived last night, a bit late, but in good spirits. As I watched them get off with all their luggage I couldn't help wondering if it might have been cheaper to charter a flight.

We had a pretty nasty dinner - burnt chicken and South African version of hotdogs on the grill, but filled in the gaps with ice cream.

The kids went to bed without much complaint at 8. By 1, Lucy and Porter had decided it was morning. Porter had some cornflakes. Lucy had a bottle and an hour or so of playtime. Then both of them had some help from Dr. Dimetap and finally went back to bed.

We had visits from everyone but Mason and by the time I got up to leave for work Molly, Bryn and Madison were all in bed with me and Katie. Let me be clear that it is not a king bed.

When I called at noon everyone had just gotten up. I expect to get a full night's sleep before we move to Dallas, but probably not much before.

Thanks to all that have helped so much in the last few weeks. We could not have done it without the many helping hands. Special thanks to Jessica for taking time off to come and help and most especial thanks to Katie that after insisting on us taking this adventure has had the courage and lack of sleep to see it through. Here we are.

Welcome to Summerfield Close

This is intended primarily for Katie, as a way to show her what she's in for (and the kids). This is the drive-up to our house (all garage - your favorite).



So the basics of the house are:

A large kitchen and scullery. Between the two there are four sinks. We're going to need a lot of vegetables.


Our room, bath and closet




Two rooms for the kids, each with its own bath and desk.




All three bedrooms have sliding doors out onto the balcony.


A loft with a table for playing games, er, studying.


A dining room.


A formal living.


A large family room and bar.


A large covered patio (basically another family room)...


...leading to the pool


A large study with seating for three (hello, homeschool)

A Pleasant Sunday

I had a pleasant day today, though I don't have any pictures to show for it.

I got a ride from Tex to church again today. He gave me a ride last week as well. Can you close your eyes and picture Tex with me? Let me guess what you have in mind. A large white guy who has eaten a bit too much BBQ. Wears a tall hat and boots. Speaks with a drawl.

That's not Tex. Tex is about 5' 6" and was born in Portugal, named Jose Texeira. Cracks me up. Extremely nice guy. Married to a beautiful blonde South African with three adorable children. They'll likely be our closest neighbors here in Joburg, so we'll probably get to know them well.

I love the multicultural aspects of the ward here. There are such great insights raised from members here, especially the black ones. I love when they contribute talks or comments.

After church I was invited to dinner with the Cowans. Bob Cowan is the new DTA here in the South East Africa Area. What a fascinating job he has! He covers thirty or so countries and is responsible for all the church's assets across the entire southern cone of Africa. His wife and two sons arrived about the same time I did. They had lived in Holladay for the last 28 years or so. This is quite an adventure for them as well. It was nice to chat with them and hear about some of the things happening with the church down this way. He also noted several more things we need to do while we're here:
* Flea markets - named several
* The Lion King (the musical) - supposedly amazing here.
* Cheetah park, not far away
* A place about 30 minutes away where we can ride elephants.
* Pilanesberg - they went there last week and were like 15 feet from a massive bull elephant

Get excited guys!

Get excited KT & JB!!!

OK, you guys are very caught up in all the stuff you need to do before you leave for South Africa. Time to get you excited. Here are a few things you'll be doing in the next couple of weeks.

Sun City

Renowned for a few years for being more of a "Sin City" until it was reincorporated into South Africa as well as the subject of the song by Artists Against Apartheid (wrong name, I think), it is now just a few place to go.

The kids will love it for the wave pool and the Kamp Kwena.



All of us will enjoy the fact that the resort is right next to Pilanesberg National Park, a great park for seeing The Big 5. And it's malaria free!



Here's a teaser from their web site:

The emphasis of the Exclusive Safari is to locate the Big 5. Specialist guides will ensure guests experience a true African Safari aboard a specially equipped 6-seater Landcruiser. Guests can view Rhino's wallowing in cool mud baths and Bull Elephants fighting for supremacy in the clarity of daylight. Be a silent witness to a Lion kill, as antelopes graze unsuspecting of the danger lurking in the volcanic landscape. Amid the hills far from the Maddened Crowd, you might catch a glimpse of the elusive Buffalo as they wander unrestricted and free.

If you're intent on specific game viewing, then the Rhino Hiking Trail will appeal to adventurous guests. Track the White Rhino on foot within the Letsatsing Game Park. A guide will convey his substantial knowledge of these imposing creatures - feel at one with this primitive African creature.

Passengers aboard the Hot Air Balloon, can enjoy the taste of South African sparkling wine before viewing the full spectrum of the Pilanesberg National Park. On landing you are whisked away to a game lodge where a sumptuous breakfast is served. (nothing like wine in the morning, I say)

Pretoria Zoo

I've heard this zoo will knock your socks. My consultants went there last weekend and walked for six hours and didn't see it all.

Reporting from Johannesburg

Since it is winter here in South Africa, it is generally dark before I get back to the hotel from the office. Therefore, I’ve not been able to take pictures until today. But at Katie’s insistence, I went out and took some pictures today so she and Jess and the kids can see what they have in store for them starting next weekend.

What is Joburg like?

This is a very difficult question for me to answer for a couple of different reasons. The first reason is that I don’t think I have had the pleasure of seeing much of the ‘real’ Joburg. I spend 90% of my time at the hotel or the office. The hotel would lead me to believe that Joburg is populated primarily by Europeans and flight attendants. The office would lead me to believe that it is heavily populated by Indian expats. The second reason is that I suspect that Joburg is a very different place depending upon who you are, where you live, how much you earn, and also what color your skin is.

The Joburg I have been exposed to is most characteristically diverse. When I go shopping, I see many different kinds of people, intermittent, but not so intermingling: blacks, South Africans of Indian descent, Indian expats, Muslims of several nationalities, South Africans of British descent, Afrikaaner (South Africans of Dutch descent) and a smattering of other tourists. Most of them do not seem either friendly or hostiel. They either don’t look at all or simply look at me with a “you’re not from around here, are you?” look.

Downtown Sandton City is certainly one of the more racially diverse places I’ve been. However, Downtown Sandton City is probably the most wealthy borough in all of sub-Saharan Africa. I suspect that outside of Sandton, neighborhoods would become more racially isolated and unique in what people do and how they live. Not far away is Alexandria, a shantytown slum in every sense of the word: extremely poor, dangerous and nearly impossible to escape.

South Africa is 80% black. My census of my little life here would put that number much lower, which indicates that I am not experiencing the “average” South Africa. I am pleased to see them as men and women of status though also recognize that they nearly entirely make up the lower rungs of society as I take note of the maids, drivers, and daylaborers.

Overall, I would compare Joburg to a mishmash of a dirty side of London with a Latin American ghetto, comparing two places I’m familiar with. Sandton feels like London, though not the most pleasant side (complete with driving on the left side of the road), but quickly transitions into very poor areas where people are fortunate if they have running water or electricity. If they do, it is often not legally obtained. I heard this week that the primary telco here spends like $50M/year replacing stolen cable (people pull up the phone lines to sell the copper) and protecting the network.

Here’s a common thing to see, an eight foot wall with electric fence on top. The interesting thing is that this wall separates my hotel from the apartments next door, which are quite nice.



How do I live?

I live in a hotel, which is about the same no matter where you live. Here is a picture of the pool that sits between the building where my room is and the main building with reception and restaurants. It looks much more inviting in a photo than in person. It is winter here and far too chilly to want to go for a dip. I haven’t seen anyone in either of the pools by my room.



However, there is a handcart to pull, Katie. I don’t know why it’s here, but I thought I’d take a picture of it so you could see that we could ask to take it for a pull some Saturday.



This is a picture of the buildings directly across the street from my hotel. You might be able to see the JSE on the building. That stands for Johannesburg Stock Exchange. So apparently I’m living on Wall Street. I find this interesting since if I were to turn left and walk 100 m I could take a picture that would remind you of Saigon – women selling foodstuffs, daylaborers with pickaxes opening up the cobblestone to run fiberoptic cable and civil guards standing duty with a weapon close at hand.



This picture shows that there are indeed places to find clothing in case Katie and Jess accidentally leave something at home. The mall could easily be the Dallas Galleria.



This is a picture of the Sandton City Library, which is adjacent to the mall. Actually the mall is a set of malls – Sandton City, Nelson Mandela Square and Michelangelo Tower, all completely integrated so you never have to go outside. As you can see, the library is large and inviting. I believe it is almost entirely English as well.



This sculpture of Nelson Mandela towers over the plaza from the library and these restaurants line either side of the plaza between them. With some disorientation, this could easily be the Marienplatz in Munich or Kungstradgarden in Stockholm. Notice the water fountains in the middle for children to play in during the summer.



Here’s a smattering of places to eat, showing the diversity of foods here. Pizza for J. Gelato for KT. All should be well.










In the two weeks I have been here I have eaten the following:
• Breakfast in the hotel each day, a very European breakfast – breads, cheese, yogurt & granola, omelettes, crepes (with maple syrup though) and pastries (not all at once)
• Lunch at the café nearly every day – usually either a sandwich or salad; on the weekends I’ve generally eaten at Subway or skipped lunch
• For dinner I’ve tried most of the restaurants nearby
o Thai twice
o Sushi three times
o African
o Middle Eastern twice
o Burgers
o Pizza
o Chicken
o Etc. – the range of ethnic food is very broad

Did I mention Joburg feels European?



These pictures show you what winter is like in Joburg. At night it gets quite chilly, probably around 40. The trees have definitely lost their leaves. However, during the day I can’t wear more than a t-shirt or get too hot. It is still a tropical place, with palm trees and the like. These pictures of the trees were taken from the same place, simply from a different angle.



I have watched the youth a bit at the mall and found two things noteworthy. First, the white kids here seem to be on a Rod Stewart kick. They all seem to have the same floofy 80s do. I feel horrible for them. I’m sure they feel horribly for me, particularly if they’ve seen the picture of me on Katie’s blog. Second, I see large groups of black boys (and men) huddled together pressed up against the mall throughout the mall. These groups appear wherever there is a TV somewhere in a restaurant or store below. There was a soccer game of some significance last week and the mall sounded like a stadium every time there was a big play.



That's about it for today's cultural report. I'm on my way out to get a Rod Stewart do so I can fit in with the locals. I can't wait to see my family next weekend! Cheers!

Tag, I'm it

Katie tagged me. I only regularly read one blog - hers - so I'm not even sure what tagging is, but I have a suspicion I'm supposed to answer the same questions she did. Here goes.

Job's I've had (starting at the beginning):
* Conniving other Scouts out of their trail snacks for homemade flies (for fishing).
* Dishdog and then cook and erstwhile waiter at the Sizzler
* Full-time missionary in Costa Rica
* Six weeks as a loader at UPS
* Five years of research, development and engineering at TheraTech
* Owner of a horribly unsuccessful corn stand
* Owner of a moderately unsuccessful menswear franchise (Chicago)
* Internship and five years with The Boston Consulting Group (Dallas & Stockholm)
* Two years in web and email marketing with HP (Boise)
* Two years in strategy and marketing with Mrs. Fields (back to Salt Lake)
* One more week with BCG (Joburg right now, but Dallas eventually)

Movies I'd watch over and over again
* Dumb and Dumber
* Austin Powers
* Lord of the Rings
* Pretty much anything from Christopher Guest
* Most anything from Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Jim Carrey (before he got too self-important)

Guilty pleasures
* See movies above. I'm not proud of my taste in movies
* Board games. Full on nerd in me exposed
* TV by DVD, especially Arrested Development
* Sleeping in, which I did for the first time in like 15 years this morning

Places I have lived
Here's the sequence:
Bountiful, UT
Costa Rica (Puntarenas, La Rita, Ciudad Colon, Curridabat, Heredia, Limon, Cieneguita, Nicoya)
Salt Lake
Chicago
Dallas
Chicago
Dallas
Stockholm
Dallas
Boise
Salt Lake
Joburg
Dallas

Shows I enjoy:
Arrested Development
The Office
The Daily Show
The Simpsons

What are the first things I thought when I met my wife:
1) I don't have a chance.
2) I guess I've give it a shot.
3) I'm not giving up that easily. I'll give it another shot.
4) Dang. One more shot and that's the end of it.
5) I get it. You don't have to tell me FOUR times.

Places I have been on vacation. I guess I can copy this from Katie's response since we've done most of them together.
Island Park, Idaho - frequently and consistently
Salt Lake City, Utah - frequently and consistently when we've lived away
Rome
Norway
England
France
Germany/Austria/Switzerland
Portugal
Finland/Estonia
Kuaui
Yellowstone/Jackson
Moab/Arches
New York
Chicago
That's probably enough. Next up: Cape Town, Kruger National Park.

Favorite foods:
Sushi
Ice cream (Amy's)
Mexican (Mia's, Cafe Laredo, La Cocina, Red Iguana)
Pizza (Giordano's, The Pie)
Steak (Bob's)
Texadelphia
BBQ (Sammy's, Salt Lick)
Thai (Thai Orchid)
Bread, really good bread
Water, really good cold water (San Pellegrino)
If someone else is buying (Javier's, The Mansion, Mercury Grille, Internationale 27)
(I really like food). Places I most want to try: The French Laundry, Mustard Grille, Vong, Jean George and Charlie Trotter's)

Websites I visit daily
Katie's Blog
cnn.com
espn.com (especially Bill Simmons)
crossfit.com
boardgamegeek.com

Nicknames I've had:
Wishbone
Grandma
Grammy
JG
Daddy (my favorite)

Tag, you're it. Since I don't know who tagged Katie I may screw this up, but I don't see any tags on your blogs:
Dean
JB
Amanda

Hello from Johannesburg

Katie has asked me to carry the blog torch for the next couple of weeks until she can arrive and resume her post as senior correspondent. So far there isn't much to write about.

First off, I haven't taken a single picture. I have a pretty boring life so far. The only pictures I could take are of my primary activitites:

• Working out in the hotel fitness center. You know the type. Three overweight business types determinedly not looking at each other while they try to get in a workout on the two treadmills, fully knowing that all three want the treadmill and the other one has to act like he really likes the exercise bike or the 1983 Nautilus.
• Working in the conference room with my team. Most of the time it is the five of us - me, Anshuman and Rishi from the Delhi office and Sajeet and Andre from Burlington South Africa, the firm we're partnering with on this case - head's down on our computers with the occasional question like "what's the difference between SIP and PRI?" from one of the newer consultants.
• Eating in a restaurant near the hotel. There are very few since most close before we get to them (e.g., M&A closes at six).
• Sitting in my room reading Harry Potter or IMing with Katie.

I'm going to go out today and buy the cable to connect my camera to my computer since I have no way to download pictures even if I shot them and then figure out how to take an interesting shot or two without getting my camera stolen. Bear in mind that when we drive to the office we are told to keep our briefcases in the trunk, not on our laps, so no one tries to break into the car and steal them. This does not sound like a good place to walk around by myself with $1500 worth of camera equipment.

Let us all say a silent prayer that the next two weeks will pass speedily so that the senior correspondent can resume her duties and I can move back over to the editorial desk.