Bittersweet Feelings

Gordon B. Hinckley, the leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, passed away Sunday evening. It's interesting for me to hear those outside the church sometimes scoff at the admiration members of the church have for their leader, as though this common affection is somehow lemming-like. His passing has given me pause to consider the impact he has had on me personally.

I never met him in person, but have been very affected by his counsels, his leadership and his example. He has been the leader of my church almost my entire married life. One third of the members of the church have never known another prophet. He has inspired me and admonished me with counsel of how to live, love and whom I should strive to become. I could probably write an entire page summary of his teachings that I remember and have attempted to apply to my life. Most recently I have been trying to follow his specific counsel about being slow to anger and quick to forgive.

Under his direction, he has brought the full opportunities of the church to the world through a massive building program. However, the program he may be less remembered for by others is the program that has most affected me personally - the perpetual education fund. The fund is a mechanism whereby earnings from donations are extended as educational loans to capable people in areas where they might not have that opportunity. They then pay the loans back and the program continues.

This program has impacted me in a very personal and emotional way for two reasons. First, it was modeled after a similar program from the 1860s called the perpetual emigration fund, and was the means my ancestors used to emigrate from Europe to Utah. I'm a beneficiary of this charity. Second, I served a mission for the church in Latin America and was struck by the inequities inherently there. I was no more intelligent or capable than my Latin American associates, yet when my mission ended I would return to the university and a life of opportunity while they would return to their village to try to support themselves and their families with little opportunity. I literally wept when he introduced this program and am so pleased to have such an elegant way to give back.

Finally, I have been touched by his example despite not having spoken a word to him. I have admired him from a distance, in public and through friends, as I've seen how he treats others, his family, and particularly his wife. I have no doubt he is very pleased to be reunited with her this week. I try to be as optimistic yet self-effacing as he.

Coincidentally, I know his personal secretary quite well. He tells the story that the Monday after his wife's funeral, Pres. Hinckley came into work, slammed his fist on the desk and said "Let's get to work." As torn as he felt by her passing, he was not going let his grief stand in the way of what he had to do. I suppose those that cared for him can only do the same.

It has been said that the highest tribute we can give the dead is not grief but gratitude. I'm very grateful for the impact Pres. Hinckley has had on my life in a very personal way and look forward to being similarly instructed by his successor, Thomas S. Monson.

Though Pres. Monson has enormous shoes to fill, he will do so splendidly. He is equally capable, insightful and kind. I anticipate continual admonishments to "always do our duty", which has always been Pres. Monson's repeated theme.